i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
