Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
