If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
