I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
North Korea, Best Korea!
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
