I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
