For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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