Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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