new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
