but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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