seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
