So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
