Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
