The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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