dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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