don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
