If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize