if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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