Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
