imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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