She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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