Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
