A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
