My nipple is on Facebook.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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