you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
