but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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