so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
