so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
