I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
