I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
