okay pat passed out under dana's car
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
