I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
