Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You are the jesus of drinking
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
