So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
