It's like God shit irony all over that family
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
