He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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