He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
