yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
