dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
