To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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