just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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