i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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