If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
