i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
