These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
