So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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