You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
