Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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