Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
