To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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