At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
