Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
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