First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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