this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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