Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
