When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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