He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
