i permit you to call me
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
