no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
