Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
