A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
