Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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