im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
