it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
