He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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