Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
