I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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