Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
