maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
