Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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