He is an equal opportunity slut.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
