dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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