Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
