So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
