You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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