i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
