Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize