i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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