How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
