remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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