forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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